Asking Why

'Then Manoah inquired of the angel of the LORD, "What is your name, so that we may honor you when your word comes true?"
He replied, "Why do you ask my name? It is beyond understanding.' --Judges 13:17-18 (NIV)

Last week, I woke up in a rather unusual way.

As I became fully conscious, I realized I was dialoguing with God. It turns out that I was persistently asking Him why certain things were happening in the lives of loved ones. It was such a bizarre way to start the day that it heightened my awareness of how many times the question, "Why?" has been a part of my thoughts and conversations with others, these past few weeks. Let's just say it seems to come up on a daily basis.

I like it best when life makes sense. When the events around me do not add up; when circumstances bring about pain and suffering to those I love, it is easy to ask why. But, from personal experience, I know that searching for answers doesn't always bring resolution or relief to the gnawing questions...

Why did my first pregnancy end in a miscarriage?
Why do toddlers have an endless supply of energy while their parents struggle to keep up?!
Why did my encounter with God in a little chapel in Kerrville, TX have to be so scary?
Why is it that a friend follows God to a foreign destination and is miserable and sees so little fruit from his obedience?
Why is it that our best for God still seems to end in failure?
Why?...

Recently, someone sent me a detailed prayer request. One of the requests was that God would reveal "why" He had allowed something to happen. God stopped me before the words even formed on my lips. Two things happened. The Spirit directed me to pray for the individual to have more faith - and to email a question, as a reply. The question:

"Why do you need to know?"

It was a deja vu moment. That question is one I have had to face many times since I have become comfortable talking with God. Getting to the root of my need often reveals a complicated mishmash of fear, lack of faith, pride, and a need to be in charge of my own life. Identifying my motives gives me the opportunity to confess it. Peace is an eventual byproduct of this self-examination.

All of this thinking about the "why's" of faith set me to searching. The word "why" occurs over 500 times in the NIV version of the Bible. Many of those questions are of people asking God/Jesus, "why?" Another common scenario is God/Jesus asking the people, "why?" My favorites are the times where God/Jesus explain the "why" of something to the people.

I am grateful for those times when God reveals the reasons behind certain events. I am, also, convinced there are some things that are impossible to understand this side of heaven. Until then, I'm keeping a list and it continues to grow.

Father, I feel like a small child who has been peppering You with an endless stream of "Why's". I know my frustration is showing at, what seems to me, Your slowness to respond. Forgive me for my lack of faith in Your timing. Please bring comfort and peace to my friends who are struggling with their own, "why's." Abba, help us to trust You. We need You. We love You. And we thank You for the blood of Jesus Christ which covers us. In His name, Amen.