Trusting In Him

The LORD said to Moses, "Take the staff, and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink.

So Moses took the staff from the LORD's presence, just as he commanded him. He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, "Listen, you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?" Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out, and the community and their livestock drank.

But the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them." Numbers 20:7-12

Moses forgets himself in a moment of anger and frustration.
He speaks rashly.
He acts impulsively.
Instead of obedience, he puts on a show of self-righteous indignation.

"You did not trust in me..."
God did not say, "You did not trust me, " he said, "You did not trust in me."
Moses believed God would make water come out of the rock.

"...enough to honor me as holy..."
But Moses did not trust in God enough to put aside his own anger.
He failed to obey in humility.
In the heat of the moment, he forgot Who he was representing.

"...in the sight of the Israelites..."
Moses misrepresented God before all the Israelites.
They have no way of knowing that Moses is speaking his own thoughts and acting of his own will. The miracle of water from a rock still occurs but it is tainted by the speech and actions of a man who has forgotten himself.

"You did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy."

When a teenager speaks words of defiance that pierce my heart and I slam the door hard enough to shake every window in the house...
When I harden my heart and refuse to consider I am in the wrong...
When the loneliness of walking with God in the desert gets to me and I can do nothing but complain...

In these moments, I am showing my own lack of trust in Him. It isn't that I don't trust Him. It is that I don't trust in Him to be enough in that particular moment. My words, my thoughts, my actions all point to my belief that the only thing that matters is me...my need for justice, my need to react to my pain, my need to protect myself, my need to fight back, my need to express myself freely.

When my obedience to God is overshadowed by my sense of self then I cannot honor Him as holy because I am in the way. There are consequences for such behavior. Moses and Aaron were not allowed to enter the promised land. For me, I have seen the consequences in the form of a broken relationship with God, limited invitations for ministry, and a lack of fruit in my service to Him.

If I look to Jesus then I see that there is no room for self if I am going to follow him. He bowed to the Father's will. And, at no time, did he get in the way of God's holiness.

It is only after bowing my head and submitting to His holy examination that I am free from the need to focus on myself and my needs. It is only after a time of repentance and brokenness that I am restored. It is only after admitting that He is enough that I am able to trust in Him as He has called me to do.

Lord, Forgive me for getting in Your way; for putting my needs before Yours. Please move me closer to a place where Your holiness is honored, all the time. Help me to surrender my will to Yours so that I don't need to slam a door or scream in frustration in order to feel I am heard. Help me to follow hard after the example of Jesus. I want to be right before You so that I can honor You as holy in the presence of others. Show me, Lord. In Jesus' Name, Amen.