No Apology Needed

"So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."
But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." Genesis 32:24-26

We must never apologize for asking a question of someone that causes them to wrestle with the Father for the answer. For that matter, we shouldn't expect an apology if we are on the receiving end of such a question.

You know the kind of question I'm talking about. It is the type that forces us to contend with a plan that wasn't of our choosing. Or it is the one that turns us inside out; forcing us to consider our lives from a different perspective. Or maybe it is the kind that causes us discomfort as it brings about a crisis-of-faith. Regardless, these questions tend to send us scrambling to God's Word for help and down to our knees in prayer...so desperate to hear from God that we boldly declare we will not quit petitioning Him until He speaks.

I've had a few of those questions posed to me this summer. Because of them, I've spent quite a bit of time in the Throne Room wrestling with the Almighty. Even though I'm sporting some new bumps and bruises, it was worth it. One of those questions has given me the opportunity to see where my words of faith and my walk of faith don't quite match up and has allowed me to make course corrections. Another question has been an opportunity to stretch my faith and step into ministry. While yet another has been a test where the only right answer was, "no."

Each question has forced me into a closer relationship with my God. The results have been a purifying of my faith and a blessing from God, Himself.

Why would anyone need to apologize for that?

Dear God

Dear God,

It has come to my attention that whenever You ask me to consider something that I don't understand...or that is anxiety producing (big picture)...or something that I would like to happen but I'm afraid of hoping for it and then being disappointed if it doesn't...I just shut down. I close myself off from You because I don't want to look at it.

It doesn't occur to me to say, "I don't like the way this makes me feel...but I'm just going to sit with it and You...and wait for You to speak to me about it. I'm going to open myself to the possibility that if You want me to be a part of this, then You will give me the courage to face my fears."

It is more like I am saying, "I don't like how this makes me feel so I'm going to tuck it away and You'll have to bring it up, again later, if You want me to seriously consider it.

God, You know this about me. I tend to push You aside whenever I don't understand what You are doing or saying.

Where is my faith?
There isn't any maturity in this approach.

It is time for me to grow.

Lord, give me the courage to look at Your bigger plan even though it is beyond my comprehension and requires me to grow in uncomfortable ways. Help me to remember You are trustworthy. I don't want my faith to be a reflection of my own inadequacies. I want my faith to reflect who You are...

"For great is your love, reaching to the heavens;

Your faithfulness reaches to the skies."

-- Psalm 57:10

A Kingdom Seed

"Then Jesus asked, 'What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it to? It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds of the air perched in its branches.'" Luke 13:18-19

Jesus compares the kingdom of God with a lowly mustard seed. A seed so small that it would barely make a speck in the palm of my hand. If I were to set it on the ground and walk away from it, I would have great difficulty finding it later.

By itself, a mustard seed has no impact on the space around it. It is only after the seed has been planted, watered, and receives sunlight that it grows into something substantial enough to change the landscape and offer shelter to others.

I believe this is how the kingdom of God is displayed in those who follow Christ. A seed that starts out small and often goes unnoticed by all but the Father, eventually develops roots deep enough to support upward growth. The kingdom of God becomes evident as the branches of faith and service testify to Him. Ultimately, we provide a sheltering place for others who are also seeking His kingdom and growing roots of their own.

God's work in me is not limited by the size of the seed. What hinders God's work is my cooperation. Will I join Him in the garden? Will I submit to the planting, and the watering, and the waiting required for growth? Do I trust Him to make me a living, breathing testiment to the kingdom of God, here on earth? Will I surrender my will in order to become a Kingdom Seed for Him?

Enough

"Moses said to Aaron, 'Come to the altar and sacrifice your sin offering and your burnt offering and make atonement for yourself and the people; sacrifice the offering that is for the people and make atonement for them, as the LORD has commanded.'" v. 7

"So Aaron came to the altar and slaughtered the calf..." v. 8 Leviticus 9

After receiving instructions from the LORD, Moses has given Aaron a laundry list of dos and don'ts for making sacrifices that are acceptable to Him. I find myself thinking about the first time Aaron comes before the LORD to present the offerings.

Was Aaron scared?
Did he worry about doing everything just right?
Did he wonder if his offering would please the LORD?
Did his hands tremble?
Did his stomach jump with butterflies?
Did he feel the weight/guilt of his sin and the sin of the people as he lay his hand on the head of that Innocent animal, cut its throat and watched its life blood drain away?
Did he wonder if everything he did would be enough to please the LORD?

And how does this relate to me?
Aren't there times when I come before the Lord feeling the same way?

Afraid...
Worried about doing everything just right...
Wondering if my offering (prayer, service, self) will please the Lord...
Sometimes my hands tremble...
And my stomach is filled with butterflies...
I have felt the weight of my sin as I have approached the presence of the Lord.

But, too, rarely do I go the next step.

Placing my hand on the Savior's head...
Wrapping my hand around the nail and picking up the hammer...
Staking the hands and feet of my Lord onto the cross...
And then waiting with him as his life blood is poured out for me.

Too often I live my life as if the sacrifice of Jesus isn't enough to pay the debt for me.

It is enough.

I want my life to bear witness to this truth ALL the time...

Help me, Jesus.