Being Tested

Some time later God tested Abraham.
He said to him, "Abraham!" "Here I am," he replied.
Genesis 22:1


Tests. They come in all shapes and sizes. Academic tests, physical tests, career tests, emotional tests, marital tests, parenting tests, spiritual tests. Is there ever a point in our life when we are no longer faced with testing moments? I don't think so.

Five years ago, I cried out to the Lord with a life changing request. My heart's deepest desire was to move beyond a personal relationship with the Lord and experience a previously unknown level of understanding, love and intimacy with Him, much like King David's. I gave Him permission to transform me from the inside out.

Looking back over the past five years, I can see how my faith has been tested in radical ways. The path that He has set before me doesn't look anything like the one I had envisioned for myself when I first said, "yes" to Jesus. There is no one to my right or left to show me if I'm doing it right. He is teaching me to keep my eyes on Him.

Nobody else takes my test nor do I take theirs.

A few weeks ago, I was enjoying a conversation with a friend. I was sharing how the Lord had spelled out my priorities for the next two years. Part of the Lord's directions included sharing this two year plan with my pastors, as a means of accountability. Almost immediately after doing so, I was presented with a test.

I was approached by two different staff members at my child's school and asked if I would consider serving as their PTA President. A great honor? No doubt. A great responsibility? You bet. A great need? Absolutely.

I weighed and tested the possibility in my mind. Honor - I had no personal desire for the "honor" of the title and recognition that would come with the position. Responsibility - It would be a lot of work but I was fully capable of filling the position. Need - This was my trigger point. Great Need - This was my test. I paused and began to consider the possibility before sensing the whisper of the Holy Spirit. Did this position fit in with the, previously mentioned, Lord's priorities for my life? In the end, I said, "Thanks, but no thanks."

Now while this test wasn't nearly as difficult as others I have faced, it made me aware that there is a pattern to the tests which come before me. It also highlighted my understanding of one of my own trigger points. When I look back over my life, I see how many of my tests deal with the same issue - just different scenarios. It is only when I allow the Lord to transform that particular part of my life that it ceases to be a test which shows up with annoying regularity.

Tests are not my favorite part of life. Yet, it is reassuring to know that the Lord's tests are always designed with my limitations, needs and ultimate good, in mind. Will I believe God or rely on my own understanding? Do I stay on this path which provides just enough light for the next step or do I walk toward the artificial light of the world? Do I stay true to the new thing He has called me to or do I revert back to old habits and familiar places? Do I trust Him enough to say, "Here I am"?

Oh Lord, You who know all things, see all things, and hold all things together. You see my heart. You see the places in my life where I try to hide my anger, fear, shame, hate, and pride. You see me, Lord, and You love me still. Forgive me for holding on to things that are no good for me. Help me to be open to your tests, your lessons, and your truth. Show me how to forgive myself when I fail a test and give me the courage to face the next one. Teach me how to be more like You. In the mighty, redeeming name of Jesus Christ, Amen.